Living Strong

Five and a half years ago we entered into one of the scariest times in our lives. My wife Lolly, doing her monthly breast check discovered a lump.   Obviously concerned, she made an appointment with our doctor and had the usual precautionary tests and a mammogram.   This time however was not the same.  There was more concern in the doctor’s voice and a seriousness we had not seen before.  The usual, “results will be in next week” wasn’t there.  It was, we need to see you tomorrow kind of scare.

Well the news was bad.  It was a tumor and it was breast cancer.  She needed to schedule surgery as soon as possible to remove it and discuss options.  The options were keeping the breast and going through chemo  and radiation or a mastectomy and chemo.  Man, I remember how scare I was, but couldn’t even imagine how scare Lolly must have been feeling.   All I could picture in my mind was the image of James Caan playing Brian Piccolo screaming in the bathtub in the TV movie, Brian’s Song.   It had been many many years since I saw the movie, but I remember thinking back then, this cancer thing is a very very scary.  I couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine my Lolly going through that. I had no idea what to expect.

With her family history, she looked long and hard at these options.   We talked and cried and prayed over this decision.   Lolly had caught it early enough and with the doctor’s advice along with some great counseling from the folks at St. Als, she decided to forgo the mastectomy and just do the chemo and radiation.

So began this horrible journey.   Lolly had the surgery to remove the lump, ironically almost 20 years to the day I first laid eyes on her and knew I had met my wife.  I took her to the surgery and waited.   When the it was done, I took her home and we prayed.   For one of the few times in my life I was didn’t know what do, feel or say.   We had let our sons know some what, what was happening, but tried to keep the morale up and keep things as normal as possible.   At the time James was about to turn 11 and Nick was 4.  Lolly was strong as ever.

I had to pull off an 11 year old’s birthday party and keep my spirits up while holding back the huge fear inside of me.  I could sense the boys knew something serious was up, but they held their own, brave little guys.

Lolly had a port installed in her chest which was supposed to make the chemo treatments go easier (yeah, right) and faster.   I can’t imagine the pain or the fear of having that device stuck in chest next to my heart.   Lolly was brave and strong.

The first morning came for Lolly to have her chemo treatment.   She was going to have six total throughout the summer into fall.   It was a Thursday.  Lolly kept a brave face up as well as I, but I knew both of us were scared.   For some reason the the port did not work, so the staff at St. Als used another device in her arm to inject what we so lovingly call “the poison”.   While there in the treatment room with others also receiving their chemo treatments, we watched as others were in various stages of treatment.  One lady was on her last one.  There were others there with loved ones and some alone, all brave.

We kept our humor and made jokes with each other as we have always done in tough times.  It’s one of the reasons I love her so.   So they prepped her and started the treatment.   How can you calmly anticipate putting something in your body that you know is going to make you horribly sick and miserable.  As we both said, “…poison into your system”.   It’s because this stuff will save your life that’s why, but mentally it doesn’t make it any easier.   You have to be brave and strong.   I watch as they injected the first bag and the second. Damn she’s was strong.   We watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding on a personal DVD player they had.   We laughed and joked.   It took our minds away to younger more carefree days.   When she was done, we went home and she went to bed.   They told us that she would be in for a couple of hard days (as this is the pattern).   She slept on Friday and was out of it on Saturday and Sunday.  She was so brave and strong.

One of the great things that came out of this (yes there was some great things) was we experienced the warmth of the people of Boise.   We had only been living her for four short years, but friends from work, church and scouts brought us meals, watch the boys and helped both Lolly and I during this time.   We felt very humbled and blessed by the generosity of all these very kind folks who became family.

A very good friend even ordered the Livestrong bracelet, from Lance Armstrong’s LiveStrong Foundation.  Then my entire department at Micron wore the bracelets in support of Lolly.  Wow is all I can say.  I was very touched by this.  This also was the inspiration of our family mantra, Be Good, Be True, Be Strong.

About a week or two after the first treatment, I got a call at work from Lolly and she sounded like she was going down fast.   I rushed home and found her completely out of it.   I gathered up the boys and got Lolly to the emergency room at St. Als.  I rushed her in and she was seen immediately.  Lolly’s port became infected.  She was going to have to spend a few nights there.   Of course seeing their mom with tubes in her and iodine on her arms scared my little guys.   I did all I could to reassure them Mom was going to be okay, even as I try to convince myself.   Please Lord, don’t take her away.

This also happen to be Fathers Day weekend.  James wanted to make bobble head football players as a gift.  He thought doing this with paper mache would be fun.  Me, not knowing any better took this on.  Lolly later laughed and told me not even stay home mom’s do paper mache.  Would have been nice to know.

After the next treatment, Lolly started losing her hair.  She had already had picked out a wig and somehow took this with good humor.  She wanted me to go ahead and save her head.  As we did this, we had a little fun by giving her a mohawk.  I think this made the boys a little more comfortable, but I knew a they were scared, but we had a good laugh.

The third treatment was one of the toughest.  Lolly did not want to go.  Who would?  I told her she didn’t have to like it, but she had to go.  She could have the day to cry, but this needed to be done.  Her boys and I needed her.  She couldn’t give up.  She went reluctantly.  Our normal routine during the half day event was to watch a movie, laugh and let her sleep when we got home.  The few days she was out of it, sleeping and sick.  She was so strong and brave.

She went through this three more times.  I don’t know how she did it.  All I know was that she was so strong.  I can’t imagine knowing this stuff  going into your body will make you feel horrible and sick…and you had to do every 3 weeks or so.  I went with her every time.  I was always amazed at how she handled it.  She is my hero.

When she was done with her chemo treatments, she commenced on her radiation treatments.  She had about 22 of these to do.  This was to last throughout the fall.

She is a teacher and took a leave of absence for the semester.  One of the other good things that came from this was that she was able to take our little one to kindergarten everyday.  She would have never had this opportunity because she teaches.  She got to do this with James because James attended the same school where she taught in Arizona.  And now she got to do this with Nick.

The radiation treatments left her a little burnt and tired, but once done we felt grateful that this chapter was finished.

Lot has happened since then, Lolly at a new school, me with a new job and the boys becoming young men.  We had fun and challenges throughout.  So today, Friday, December 4th, we celebrate 5 years of her being cancer free.  She is living strong and cancer free.  She is my hero.

Being Grateful and Giving Thanks

In the rush and challenges of life, I need to step back and think of the things I have, am grateful for and to say thanks.

I have my family. I have a very wonderful wife who I adore and I know drive crazy. I have two great boys, James and Nicky, who I adore and drive me crazy. And even though I tease the heck out of them, I have a great set of in-laws who live near by. We live in this wonderful city in this great state. We have many friends far and near.  Both Lolly and I have professions that we both love and make a difference in.

I do miss my family in Arizona. It’s now just my sister Gloria, her husband Tom and her grown kids Naomi and Tommy. Both of their kids have kids now and for that I am grateful. I also have my sister-in-law, Roberta who for the second year will be celebrating Thanksgiving as a widow. I miss my brother Joe. They have two grown kids Zondra and Martin. Both of them pursuing their life’s ambitions. I am grateful for this.  Both of my parents have passed.  I miss them both.  I am grateful for my childhood memories and the opportunities they provided for me.  I wonder what they would have thought about me living in Idaho and how their grandsons have excelled.

I do miss the times when we’d all get together at my folks’ home in southeastern Arizona. My mom was a chef extraordinaire. She’d be up early getting the turkey ready along with all our favorites.  At the table we’d all be laughing picking on my sister and enjoying our time together. I am grateful for those memories.

But it’s time to create new memories. Now we go to my in-laws cabin in Wilderness Ranch and watch football, watch movies, play games and laugh. This is what my boys will remember.  Going over the river and through the woods (literally).  I am grateful and thankful for all the blessing the Lord has bestowed up us.

And a special thank you to all the armed services personnel out there that are missing time with their families protecting this great country of ours and fighting for the right to speak our minds, practice or not practice the faith of our choice and pursue our dreams.

Make everyday count, do your best, make a difference, be grateful and say thanks.

Movies that make science and engineering look cool.

Ghostbusters-“Back off man, I’m a scientist”

Who owns an unlicensed nuclear accelerator. And then there is that ghost trap contraption and storage facility. Plus these guys live in a firehouse and drive an old ambulance. I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghost.

Twister-“When you used to tell me that you chase tornadoes, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor.”

A team so passionate about what they do, they risk their lives chasing F5 tornadoes. Then while in the field, almost getting killed, the problem solving skills kick in and they cut up Pepsi cans to make the round data collecting gizmos (okay I am not a scientist) functional. You will believe a truck can fly.

Back To the Future-“I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity.”

De Lorean time machine, ’nuff said.

The James Bond movies-“Now pay attention double O 7.”

You know you loved all those cool gadgets in the earlier movies, but along with Bond, we all love Q. He makes the coolest things that maim, blow up, make invisible, disable, maim (oops I said that twice). I know all the action is pretty cool, but what we really like is all the awesome spy gear. Bond, James Bond

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension-“no matter where you go, there you are”

Buckaroo is a rockstar / neurosurgeon / physicist / samurai / superhero leading his group of crime fighting Hong Kong Cavaliers to battle the evil from the 8th Dimension. He actually drives a supercharged Ford through a mountain. That’s some serious science going on. Plus this is one of my favorite cult classics.

Ironman-“Let’s face it, this is not the worst thing you’ve caught me doing. “

Probably the one movie that had kids thinking…”I want to do that!” Tony Stark-MIT at 17, owns his own business, tinkers with hot rods and makes one kick ass superhero suit. Think about all the engineering and science that went into all the equipment and tools he uses to construct the the Ironman armour. An AI system that even saves his life. Too cool. I am Ironman.

Obviously this isn’t a comprehensive list nor is it meant to be. It’s just a few movies I like and wanted to have fun with. What movies do you think make science and engineering look cool?

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“A career on a college campus…say what!?”

I am not talking about a student wage or work study job, I’m talking about a full-time paying gig. In celebration of Careers in Student Affairs Month, I thought I’d share my thoughts and experiences.

Yesterday I participated on a “Careers in Student Affairs” panel geared to students thinking about careers in Student Affairs. While there were a few students attending and a lot of great questions asked, I think students initially don’t consider this career for a couple of reasons.

1. What the heck is Student Affairs? Student Affairs is the functional area of the university that assists student growth and success through programming and services. Some of us also teach and work in the classroom. This area includes departments like Student Activities, Housing, Financial Aid, the Student Recreation Center, Health and Wellness, the Student Union, Women’s and Cultural Centers, Admissions and of course the Career Center. This is not the entire list, but you get the idea. Our goal is to promote student success and development.

2. Didn’t even know this was a career option? (this fit me) I didn’t grow up thinking, “I could be a student affairs professional”. No, I wanted to be an engineer or a billionaire or something. Student affairs was the farthest thing from what I thought I could and should do.

3. I want to get the heck out of here (this also was me). Though I had a great time in college, when I was done, I was done! No more all nighters, no more books, no more papers and especially no more midterms and finals. I wanted to have a “career” job to go to and make MONEY! I wanted to have bills (I know, stupid) and be a grown up. I finally made it from the minor leagues to the big show. I wanted to prove myself and conquer the world.

Listening to the other panelist yesterday, showed how there is not just one path or major to get into this field. One panelist was a hotel/conference manager and business owner; one was considering law school and corporate life; other prior careers included fitness and heath policy. My career started out in the safety field working in a hospital.

When that first August rolled around the after I graduated, I realized how much I missed college. I was working at a university medical center and saw all those students with their backpacks heading to classes and labs. I remember thinking to myself, ”dang, just last year that was me”, not a care in the world, no bills, no rent, no “real” boss, it was going to class, going to the gym, grabbing a bite to eat on campus, in one word – nirvana. Yeah, yeah, I know, I said I wanted those bills and other grown up things, but you know, I really truly love the college environment and that time in life.

After a couple of years of this I decided to go back to school. I applied to graduate school, was accepted and obtained a graduate assistantship as a hall director on campus. I loved my job as a hall director and making a connection with students. My supervisor at the time asked me to consider “student affairs” as a career. The university I was at had a program geared toward counseling and college students, so I applied, was accepted and let’s just say the rest is history.

I’ve worked in housing, a cultural center, and career services/centers. I even did a stint at a large high tech company in their training and education area. All my experiences have lead to other and greater opportunities. In fact, I am only limited by where and what I want to do.

I’ve learned how to manage budgets, direct and implement projects and programs, develop websites and marketing campaigns, coordinate and put on events. Most importantly, I have been able to work with a lot of great students who have become employees, employers, colleagues, mentees and of course friends. I also hope, I’ve made an impact in their lives, because they have in mine. I’ve said this before and I will say it again, I absolutely love my job!

So, if you are thinking of this as a possible career field, here are some things to think about:

1. You won’t get rich doing this. It’s true, but you know what, we are all driven by different things and money is not my driver, making a difference is.
2. Do you like working with people? Do you like helping students succeed? Are you someone who people feel is easy to talk to and develop trust? If you are, this might not be a bad fit
3. Do you like variety in your work life? Our days our never the same. Is every day sunshiny and great…no, but at the end of the day, week or month, do I think…wow, I get paid to do this. My day is filled with counseling appointments, brainstorming sessions, classroom presentations, employer visits and networking events. Have I said it before, “I love my job”.
4. Are you someone who works well in a team? Not only do we collaborate within our own teams, but with other units throughout campus. We also assist and work with student teams.
5. Find a mentor. Is there someone who works in one of these areas that you look up to? How did they get there? What do they like about what they are doing? Will they be willing to get you involved in activities to test drive this career?
6. Get involved and engage on campus. My interest in this career started way before I became a hall director. I was a campus ambassador, giving tours, speaking at high schools, etc. I was also a resident assistant and a residence hall officer. It began when I was still a student and I didn’t even know it. And all my experiences have lead in some way to the next stop on my journey.
7. Whether you are a student or alum visit your Career Center. If you are not sure what career path you should follow, we can help you. Remember, this is what we do and we love helping you succeed.